Steve-O's Nervous Breakdown
October 15, 2003
Hey Everyone! I'm getting attacked by lions tomorrow, that's what I heard anyway. Here's some great shit for you, all the best everyone: For the Dutch magazine called One, I have a few questions for you:
In an interview you said: I would thank heavy metal music for helping to ruin my attitude enough to ensure that I would never work to make an honest living and find a career in doing dumb stuff. What attitude you talk about and how helped metal music you into your career?
Heavy metal music and skateboarding taught me to "go against the grain". When you've got headphones on, blairing Iron Maiden music, it's impossible to listen to anyone tell you what to do. When you have a skateboard and headphones on, you can easily not listen to people and ditch them really fast too. You also said once: The meaning of life is that it has to have a meaning. I'm trying to be provoking, it isn't just being about me being dumb.
Why do you want to provoke?
I said I wanted to be thought provoking in the context of discussing an idea I wrote about playing around with a dead human body.
Is there something you would never do to get the perfect stunt? Have you ever been in a situation like that? Why did you make the choice not to do it?
Yeah, I refused to shove a toy car up my ass.
Did you ever feel ashamed about something you did?
I'm not terribly proud of anything on my Career Ender video, but, fuck it, I'd rather regret shit that I have done than regret shit that I haven't done.
What was your closest encounter with your wildlife for Wildboyz?
Chris Pontius and I have had some very questionable encounters with each other. Don't worry, they'll all be on the show.
You performed as a clown on a cruiseship, what's your connection with clowns?
I graduated from Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College, worked as a clown on cruise ships as well as in the circus.
Are you romantic?
Yes.
What do you do when you're not pulling jokes or stunts?
I'm always working.
Would you describe yourself ase idiotic?
I make bad decisions for a living, of course I'm idiotic.
You want to make people giggle, do you giggle a lot yourself? About what kind of things?
I'm always giggling, well, not always, but alot. Thanks!
A major update from Steve-o to my family, friends, even MTV:
MTV.com Celebrity Profile for: Steve-O
First Name: Stephen
Last Name: Glover
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: 06/13/1974
Species: Wildboy
From: I grew up in five different countries: England, Brazil, Venezuela, Canada, and the USA. I spoke three different languages by the age of three and forgot two of them by the age of four.
What was your experience like on the show? What do the fans have to look forward to this season: You want to know what it's like to travel the entire world getting attacked by animals the whole time? It sucks, but, if we are going to further our understanding of the world we live in, it simply must be done.
List a few things you're really into: I used to be really into some bad drugs but I grew up a little bit and stopped doing them. Now I'm really into people not having to do drugs to find out that they are bad. Say hi to all the fans out there; give a shout-out to your friends and family: To all my fans: You guys are idiots! Just kidding, I love you all and I want to let you know that I have my own website where you can rap with me on my message board and find out all my latest news, it's www.steveo.com. Thanks to MTV and everyone, Steve-O. The End.
To Nick: I've got humongous problems with Candy. I'm coming back to LA on the 13th and need to leave for Florida on the 15th to catch my first dentist appointment in over three years on the 16th.
From my sister: I called Dr. Teitelbaum this morning and made an appointment for you. Mom's been going to him for almost a decade and he's really good. In addition to regular dentistry, he specializes in implant prosthodontics, crowns, fixed bridges, partial & complete dentures and maxillo-facial prostheses. (That's what's on his card.) Your appointment is Tuesday, Sept. 16 at 10 a.m.
To Nick: I'm making it to that appointment, so let's make use of my two days in LA before I go to Florida. As of now, that's my only appointment, but I'm going to have more appointments made with doctors, physicians, chiropractors, and whoever the fuck else can help me. I haven't done one fucking thing to take care of myself in years. I spent more than the last three years chewing glass with my teeth and puking bile onto them. Cocaine didn't help my teeth either, so let's just say my mouth is a fucking mess. As for the rest of me, who knows what the fuck is wrong. I've been crying out for time to take care of myself and now I'm taking it. Period. I've got two weeks off between New Zealand and Central America. I'll be in LA for the beginning and end of those two weeks. Let's get a bunch of shit done on the 14th and 15th and I'll come back to LA to work with you more until I leave for the Central America trip. Let's use the time we have wisely, because I need some for Candy too, I'm an emotional wreck over her right now. I've been able to pull my shit together for the purposes of filming Widlboyz, nothing has interfered with my footage, if anything it's just gotten better. Nothing will fuck with Volume 3, PCP Saved My Life, or the Early Years either. I'll give you a call tomorrow, don't worry about me. If anything, be glad that I'm getting my shit together. I have March free forever and Season Two of Wildboyz is being planned out already. I'm going to be a whole lot bigger, stronger and better looking soon and we are going to take over the world. Talk soon. -O Check out how rad my Dad is:
Cindy sent me your recent e-mail to Nick, concerning the upcoming, "scheduling conflicts". Sorry, but I feel compelled to offer some unsolicited advice. Please forgive me if I'm over-stepping a boundary. Reading between the lines, I have an uncomfortable feeling that Nick is putting unjustifiable pressure on you, and if you allow yourself to be influenced by it, you'll end up paying a very high price. Career-wise, the biggest opportunity on your radar screen right now is the new TV show. Everything else is a distant second, because once the TV show is launched, everything you do will be worth so much more. I know you all want to finish the upcoming video release as soon as possible, but so what if it's a bit delayed? When the first one was launched, it was delayed from October all the way to January, and it was still a big success! One could even argue that releasing the next one in January would be better, because by then, the new TV show will have taken hold. On the personal side, it sounds like Candy is your top priority. Fantastic! You haven't asked me for an opinion, but I really want you to know how much I think of her. She's a terrific and very special young lady........and she's already put up with an enormous amount to build her relationship with you. It's no surprise that you are mentally and physically exhausted. The pace at which you've been running for the past year would break almost anyone. Don't be self-conscious that it's finally caught up with you....just be proud that you recognized it before you broke. Hollywood is littered with fucked up, multimillionaire losers, who let their egos screw up their lives. You're smarter and better than that. Candy seems to have accepted that in the short term, the new TV series comes first. Now it's your turn to demonstrate the priority you place on optimizing your relationship with her. The schedule you're considering for the next week sounds ridiculous. If you overstretch yourself so much, you're highly likely to screw up everything. At least for the two days you'll be in L.A. figure out how to spend quality time with Candy, and don't worry about anything else. Go into the country, find a resort, or just chill out at home with the phone off the hook. Tell Nick and Jason to get lost. What's the big deal if the video release is delayed a month? You haven't even been paid for the last 8+ months, from either one of them (or if you finally have, it took so long they've forfeited the right to lean on you now). Never forget that you're the boss, and that your priorities rule. Determine what they are (and it sounds like you've already decided that Candy is tops) and then stick to them. Nick and Jason won't go anywhere, because you're the hottest property they've got. It's massively inconvenient to go to Florida less than two days after you get back from Australia, but if your health is really in such bad shape, I'm sure Candy will understand. But for sure, bring her out to Florida with you. Involve her, and she'll be a major part of your "solution". Neglect her, and she's likely to think that she's a major part of the problem. That's a consequence, that in my opinion, would be far worse than a delay in the video release. Finally, please don't try to second guess what I've done in my life........just listen to what I'm saying now. If I'd been smart enough to figure all this out 30 years ago, Mom and I probably wouldn't have had to go through our divorce. Love you much.................Dad
From Jeff Tremaine: That's some sound fatherly advice. I've been editing Florida and the footage is awesome. Also I found out that we can say Sea World and Shamu in the Orca bit, but it's unlikley that we can film there. We're lining up for you and Chris to get attacked by two female lions in the zebra suit and to juggle jelly donuts while being showered with honey and marshmallows in front of a grizzly, all after the 27th. Good luck dicksniffer, Jeffy
From Ryan Simonetti: Wow, your dad is the man. I don't think that his advice to you could have been any better or truer. Candy might be the best thing that has ever happened to you as far as I can tell. I think we all love her almost as much as you do. Take care of yourself and what you love first, fuck any pressure. .... sounds like some pretty heavy dental work. I've got the first cavity of my life right now. .... right on ... sweet. i'll be heading back down there in a few days. that would be rad if you were there. I think waiting for Wild Boys to come out before Out On Bail / Early Years comes out is a good idea too. Of course it is!!! Your life is totally going in the right direction because you made it that way. Fuck the bullshit, do what ever you feel. I'll call you/Candy soon. Oh wait, I just remembered to mention that I really think your skateboard co. should be called (edited by steve-o to protect intellectual property) Skateboards. We could do a lot of rad graphics focused around that idea. I would love to talk to you about this sometime. See if your publisher can register that trade name if you're as stoked on this idea as I am. You really do need a pro-model god damn it. talk to you soon bro-ham. Ryski.
From me to my Dad and financial advisor, after getting paid yesterday: We're in great shape, except for me not having the Charles Schwab account info. I'll get that by the end of the week. I'm in Florida getting my life organized, unfortunately that requires the extraction of three wisdom teeth, two fake implants, one root canal, four new caps, and a bunch of fillings. When I return to the dentist tomorrow, I'll get a ballpark figure of what that's going to run me and figure out how much money it's a good idea for me to have access to. I'll get that number and the account information to both of you in the next couple days, probably tomorrow. Thanks so much to both of you, it's awesome to know that the investment plan is actually on! Steve.
So, for those of you who are still reading my diary of e-mails, I have two things to say to you: You are the Steve-O Army, and I never want any of you to come up to me and say that your my biggest fan. None of you are my biggest fans, I am my biggest fan goddammit. I'll hug the shit out of every last one of my motherfuckers that comes up to me and says, "I'm your second biggest fan". That'll mean you read all of this shit about me having a fuckin nervous breakdown and that you really give a shit about me. OK, the second thing I want to tell you is that, judging from what I wrote about what I learned from my trip to the dentist, I'm going to be documenting the most absolutely horrifying mouth make-over the world will ever see. I'm talking five extractions and two implants in one sitting, maybe even the root canal at the same time. At the end of all that shit, old Steve-O is going to look way hotter. He's still going to be way in love with Candy too... So, as for all of the people who are upset that I posted this shit on my message board, look, I really censored my own website and this message board for you and I don't think I'm breaking any rules in anything I just posted here. Let me know if I did, but thanks in advance for letting me be close to my fans. Love to all, Steve-O.
P.S. I listened to my Dad and I've got Candy flying in to be with me in Florida in less than twenty four hours.
From Candy: I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you bebe. I know you are doing all of this getting your life together stuff for yourself, but it makes me very happy too. I love you steve, I can't wait to see you...
From me: I think this post has been very therapeutic, I think I'm just about recovered from my nervous breakdown. Thanks everyone.
Steve-O's Nervous Breakdown Part Two
October 25-29, 2003
October 25, 2003: I've been on South Beach in Miami for a few days now and, wow, do I have a story for you. I agreed to present an award at the Latin MTV Video Music Awards with Pontius and MTV had a limo waiting outside my dentist's office to take me to Miami. That was Wednesday, the same day that Pontius flew into Miami from Los Angeles. The actual award ceremony wasn't until Thursday night, so Pontius and I figured that we might as well get drunk. Before you know it, we've got Dimitry, Manny, Mark Rackley- almost the whole crew. Pontius and I wound up so wasted on booze and painkillers that we ditched everyone and, shortly thereafter, the shit hit the fan. People were bothering us a lot and we're kind of sick of that, so I enlisted the help of a big-ass black dude named Lydell, to be our body guard. As soon as I realized that he could easily stop people from bothering us, I put him to work at clearing huge spaces for me to perform stunts in jammed up South Beach nightclubs. When I decided to do a back flip off of this one bar, I noticed that the ceiling was entirely too low for it to be safe, so I went for it. As my x-rays went on to reveal, I broke the shit out of my foot. I'm talking: I blew my pinky toe entirely off its hinges, those pinky toe bones aren't connected to shit anymore and that pinky toe is just chilling, pointlessly to the side. I also badly broke a meta-tarsel. I love my new x-rays! So, that was my night on Wednesday night. Now for Pontius'. He wandered away from Lydell and myself and, even as wasted as I was, I felt sorry for him for being so much more wasted. I knew something bad was going to happen. Turns out that he got arrested. Well, he was found in the nude by police officers. Pontius was butt-naked, sleeping on top of a parked SUV on 3rd Street. That we know for sure, all Pontius can remember is that he woke up butt-naked, with his hands cuffed behind his back and cops spraying mace in his face. That makes me suspect that Chris wasn't being very cooperative. So, they took Pontius to jail and I suppose they processed him, despite the fact that there was no wallet, ID, cellphone, clothes, or any other belongings to process. It seems the cops didn't have the heart to throw him into a cell completely naked, so instead they sent him to the psychiatric ward of the hospital for being "temporarily insane due to a drug overdose". My sister first heard about it from Latin MTV representatives who called her, trying to find me, so that I could go to the looney bin at the hospital to identify Chris Pontius since he lost his ID and everything he had. The next morning, before I saw Chris, Manny came into my room, explaining that Chris looked like he either fell down a flight of stairs, or tried to beat someone up with his face. Chris was a masterpiece, immediately back to drinking, looking all beat up, and getting ready to join me in presenting an award to some Spanish people for an estimated 300 million viewers of the live Latin VMA's (It turns out that Latin America is way bigger and more populated than regular America). By the time we got on stage we were in similar shape to the night before. Of course we wouldn't go onstage without the greatest shark expert in the world, Manny Puig, who was able to translate everything we said into Spanish. I basically shared our previous night's adventures and explained that I love Latin America because, in Latin America, "Shit" isn't a swear word and neither is "Fuck". I don't think anyone in the house realized that those words are actually permanently tattooed on my knuckles but, no matter what, it was rad. So then there was the after party, which I won't say anything about except that Kelly Osbourne took us to it and got us hopped up on more painkillers (which were legitamately prescribed to her). This story ends here. Man, my x-rays of my foot are so rad!!! The shit doesn't even look real, it's so fucked up, and, it's not fake at all!!! Hopefully, when I see the orthopedic surgeon, he doesn't decide to operate on me. I'm praying for just a solid pink cast to take care of everything. I bet Pontius is praying that his criminal charges aren't felonies, too. The boyz have been keeping it wild. Really wild.
October 28, 2003: Today I went to the orthopaedic surgeon's office, learned how to spell "orthapaedic" and got incredible footage. I showed up on my crutches with no camera. I gave my x-rays to the nurse and filled out my paperwork. The nurse came back and said, "I hope you know this is going to hurt". I was so bummed I didn't have a camera but the x-ray technician was stoked so he went home and brought back his video camera. While everyone waited for him to get back, the nurse scanned my awesome x-rays and burned them onto a disk for me. When the guy got back, the game was on. The actual doctor was all stoked too, they took off my temporary cast and my poor foot just looked like shit, you could see where the toe was sticking out to the side, it was all puffy and, holy shit, did it hurt. Luckily, the first step of the procedure was to take a one and a half inch long hypodermic needle and stick it right into the puffy, hurt part and push it all the way in. I don't look brave on that portion of the footage. The doctor pulled the needle out, almost all the way, then switched directions and shoved it back in. He kept sticking it in, it was nuts. The needle was to give me anasthesia, so a couple minutes later it didn't hurt so much when this big burly doctor grabbed my foot in one hand and my toe with the other and manhandled it like he was trying to rip off a door nob. It was so, so crazy, he was making sure that we got the footage too. He wrenched my shit around until he heard the popping sound of it going back into place. It was so violent and rad and it's all on tape. Plus, the doctor said all I need now is the cast on for four weeks, not six. What a totally great day. I have to go back in a week to make sure that the toe didn't dislocate itself again, I'm going to bring presents for all the rad people at the orthapaedic surgeon's office. They rule. I might be able to steer the Early Year's right up to present day and cap it off with a finale of violent doctors. Hell yeah. It's going to be a full on documentary about how I got where I am and how where I am drove me insane. Tomorrow I meet my main doctor, the physician. Then I meet my ear, nose, and sinus doctor. I've already been getting to know the chiropractor, he's a total fan and he's hella violent. I'm thinking about adding a psychiatrist to the list, just so that I can devote more of my day to talking about myself. I'm stoked to be getting healthy. I'm super stoked that I broke my foot, I needed to get off my feet for a little while. Don't worry though, only four weeks, plus I'll be going nuts in Europe from Nov. 5-19th, and I hear that they want me to start shooting season two of Wildboyz on Nov. 18th. So don't worry folks, just because I'm going to every doctor I can think of, doesn't mean that I'm slowing down any.
October 29, 2003: The physician is the "main dude", I just met him today and I think I totally freaked him out. Before we discussed any matters of health, my sister introduced us and went on to describe what I do for a living. The doctor had never even heard of jackass and had no idea what we were talking about. When I told him that I had to pay a quarter million dollars in taxes, halfway through this year, he started to pay more attention and when I got to the part about how I regularly staple my scrotum to my leg, he visibly panicked. Out of everything, that's what bothered him the most. I really wasn't too worried about the check-up because, back when I first got out of jail with my felony charges, one of my lawyers pushed me into getting life insurance. Life insurance that I'm sure benefits him at least equally as much as me, but life insurance all the same. I had to do a physical for that and I did, on the condition that my lawyer, and anybody else, never reveal to me, or anyone else, the results. I just didn't want to know. A week or two after giving those samples I got a phone call from the life insurance company requesting to conduct a "follow-up" interview with me. I was like, "Follow-up interview? Are you trying to tell me that I got life insurance?" Since then the cat made it out of the bag, I passed my physical, there's nothing wrong with me. Who cares though, now that I'm on a health-kick, I'm getting every last fucking thing that could possibly be fucked up completely checked out. So, the physician listened to my lungs and said that they sounded good, my heart is good, my EKG's were good, and when he saw my chest x-rays, after I told him that I smoke weed and cigarettes everyday, he told me I have "nine lives". He said that he didn't wake up particularly wanting to see a man's wiener but, after hearing about my staple act, he said he probably better check it out. My sister then left the room and I took the doctor on a tour of my cock and balls. I showed him how I stretch my ball-bag and where I staple it to my leg. I stretched out my every region of my ball-bag, and my cock, for him, then I just let it all dangle there for him. He was stoked on my wiener, not in a gay way, but he was stoked to tell me it's fine. Today I didn't give a blood sample, because I ate a meal right before I went and you're supposed to fast for eight hours before you do blood tests. I'm doing that next, and I'm stoked. My sister filmed me at the physician's office today and she's going to film me getting my blood test results read to me too. Fuck it. It's on, I have no chance at having a private life anymore, so now I'm stoked to find out how long my public life really has a chance of lasting. Wish me luck, love you all.
